I was sexually abused by two relatives as a child. So I was not easy to deal with when I was younger. For one, I did not manage to be faithful to the man. He knew that and put up with my shit for two decades anyway, in part for the sake of the children. He never threw that in my face. He was very decent and compassionate about the whole thing. Plenty of men would have assaulted me for it.

His devotion to his career was not somehow all bad. He was career military and we never lived in fear of him being RIFFED at a time when a RIF was ongoing. Our marriage ended up being very traditional, a throw-back to the 50's. I would have preferred something that gave me more freedom, but I did always appreciate that he was a good provider, he was not a drug addict or alcoholic, and he never hit me. That may sound like a low standard, but it beats the molestation, rape and being slapped around by a drug addict that constituted parts of my childhood.

I have taken a class on homelessness and done volunteer work at a homeless shelter. The kind of intractable problems I have and my children have are exactly the kind of thing that leads one to homelessness. My spouse's military career, with excellent free medical benefits, was a big part of why we had a relatively stable middle-class lifestyle in spite of me and our oldest son having a life-threatening, very expensive medical condition which went undiagnosed for many years.

Feel free to talk trash about me, as I am here and choosing to air my dirty laundry. Please refrain from jumping to ugly conclusion about my ex. He is a decent man and he is not here to speak for himself. It's a rather ugly tactic.

Also, the odds are really high that Penelope Trunk's children are not half as challenging as mine. It's why I have a parenting site: For some years, my advice on how to deal humanely and effectively with extremely challenging children was valued in some circles, circles that included Harvard graduates and the like who still found themselves at wit's end. There is a lot more support for that on the web these days, but when I was actively engaged in such online communities, I was frequently the only individual in the discussion that had much in the way of meaty, substantive feedback for the most challenging situations.