Church is full of deceivers as well. Lying about God, Lying about Jesus. Trying to get your money. We have to teach the kids about deceiving for personal gain. But you treat kids like a member of society as early as they can take it. Overpowering them psychologically is the wrong answer, and is part of the reason why most families are broken. My mom/dad is one of the most tight relationships I have ever seen, and I've seen many relationships. They are built on trust, and what this person is doing is exchanging a little bit of trust for some temporary pain relief, a bad exchange that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The lesson for deception should occur simultaneously on the lesson that your actions have consequences, and if you piss off your friends, they will retaliate. It's complex and I have a hard time describing it, but it's the glue that makes families happy and productive. It doesn't feel right to me at all.
It's teaching the kids to be passive aggressive. Can't get what you want? Work behind the scenes to cause the people you love to do what you want. Do it to the kid, the kid does it back to you. It's not something to trifle with. You're configuring the personality of the kid with these interactions, and these choices have huge consequences about how the kid interacts with society, family and friends. There are only a couple people in the world I would trust with my life, whom I could give them power of attorney over me and I could rely on them not to loot me and leave me powerless. And that relationship is built on one of trust, one of never deceiving. The father is deceiving the kid, that trust-relationship I have may not materialize with the person who plays these mind games.
The relationship I describe is the most valuable thing on Earth, people KILL for it, literally, and I'm trying to comment here about how to get that thing, and I see these articles are pooping all over it, and I have to give my 2 cents. These ideas I have aren't silly, it's the operating principles of the most valuable thing in the world: Love and trust. The only thing worth more than money.
0. Your whole viewpoint stems from thinking that any deception, regardless of how well intentioned or small, is actively and hugely harmful. I don't share that view. Small and well intentioned deceptions can be handled well by most people which do not then learn that you can't trust or love or know that actions have consequences or that serious deceptions are not to be done.
1. A zero tolerance policy on "lies" does have a psychological cost on both the parents and children (not just convenience) and, while it's great that has worked alright for you, that's not a proof that it can be generalized and get it working well for everyone.
It's teaching the kids to be passive aggressive. Can't get what you want? Work behind the scenes to cause the people you love to do what you want. Do it to the kid, the kid does it back to you. It's not something to trifle with. You're configuring the personality of the kid with these interactions, and these choices have huge consequences about how the kid interacts with society, family and friends. There are only a couple people in the world I would trust with my life, whom I could give them power of attorney over me and I could rely on them not to loot me and leave me powerless. And that relationship is built on one of trust, one of never deceiving. The father is deceiving the kid, that trust-relationship I have may not materialize with the person who plays these mind games.
The relationship I describe is the most valuable thing on Earth, people KILL for it, literally, and I'm trying to comment here about how to get that thing, and I see these articles are pooping all over it, and I have to give my 2 cents. These ideas I have aren't silly, it's the operating principles of the most valuable thing in the world: Love and trust. The only thing worth more than money.