When I turned 40, I was heard to say that had I known how great 40 was, I would have turned 40 ten years before. I felt I was at the top of my game: Training regularly, mentally sharp, marriage good, daughter good, career good. Awesome!
I'll be 49 later this year. My advice: Keep training, it is the best and most important thing. I stopped for a while (long story) and ended up with Old Man back problems (10 minutes to fall out of bed, 5 minutes to crawl to the toilet, peeing in the toilet a gymnastic accomplishment, not to mention getting back down...).
Second most important thing: Don't have a bullet list, just do shit. Do act in a play. Do learn an instrument. Do be in a movie. Heck, be in several movies (play many different characters, from hero to clown to psycho). Do abandon a successful 12 year solo career when offered a partnership in a small but growing firm (now I have 4 spouses, yay! And growing pains. Yay!).
Always say "yes, that would be cool", never be afraid 1.
1 Still working on that, haven't been bungee jumping yet. But my firm will have 10 or so employees in a few months, with almost as many subs, and I'm in 5 DVD/Netflix releases planned for 2014.
I have three business partners. That's a lot like three extra marriages: You have to "learn" the other person, understand their wants and needs (often unspoken), learn how to communicate effectively with each, etc.
They have spouses, and we all have kids. And we have employees. My extended family is far larger than I'd ever dreamed....
Awesome article. Love the gratitude man. It is one of the finer emotions.
At 43 here is my experience:
-I can't stay awake as long as I used to either. Nor do I want to anymore.
-My body doesn't hurt all the time... I have heard this from others but it hasn't happened to me. Still, I can't do what I used to without it really wiping me out and requiring rest. And, I'm not as fast as I used to be. But, I find I am still as strong as ever... I think even stronger.
-I certainly know more, but feel I don't think as fast as I did 15 years ago. I'm at peace with that. One offsets the other for me.
-I'm more jaded and cynical about life but, paradoxically more patient. What used to be unforgivable sins in others are just not as grating anymore. At the same time I expect the worst from others more than I used to I believe.
-Ditto on appreciation. Didn't used to have it as much as now. Maybe because I expect the worst and am pleasantly surprised when it doesn't show up.
-I don't think I'm wise... not going to claim that, but I do feel I have more control over my life and my reaction to events. I'm certainly less impetus.
I wouldn't think this will be the outcome for everyone. YMMV.
It's frustrating being very late 30's and still not having reached any major successes. All I really want is to be able to have my own single entrepreneur business. It shouldn't be so hard to find at least one idea that will support me and my family as a software engineer.
This guy is a CTO, so he's hit that milestone I guess. I'm still hungry.
I essentially lost my career right before I turned 35 - it was the only job I had for more than a year, and I had it for a decade. It was an existential car crash. Here I am about to turn 37 and I'm back in school again, fighting off the constant fear in the back of my head that my entire life will amount to a tale told by an idiot, only without even sound or fury.
I've more or less given up on major success. I just kind of want to not live hand to mouth now. But you never know. The one thing i've learned not to do is fool myself into thinking I know what shape the future will take. Cynicism is a lot easier when you think you're immortal.
I've pretty much got everything I've ever wanted out of life. Make enough money to live comfortably and have leftovers every month, have published a book, have started a business, am debt free, have complete freedom from everything.
Really the only thing I still haven't done is publish in an academic journal. But my life has taken on a trajectory completely outside academia, so not sure that's likely to happen anymore.
Everything else, it seems, is just a matter of degree. Eventually I will be financially more successful than I am now, but that will only get me a bunch of things I don't care for. I will publish more books and they might end up being more renowned or not, but there isn't really _that_ much you can do with renown other than turn it into even more financial success, or enjoy it out of pure vanity. And I guess I will start more businesses, launch more products, and some might even become hugely successful ... but that's just a matter of degree once you've passed the barrier of having done it once at all.
Guess I could eventually start a family, but I've never wanted one of those. If I do start one it's going to be out of pure boredom and wanting to try new things. And that is probably the shittiest reason to start a family.
Pretty much everything left on my bucket list is pure hedonism. But that seems like a shitty thing to strive for in life.
My fear is that I think the worst is ahead of me. I have been so blessed and when I see suffering around the world, I feel undeserving of the good luck. It seems everyone's life has suffering in them and their share of bad luck.
I have had challenges but I was able to overcome them. I guess I haven't come across yet of problems where I am helpless. I fear I haven't seen enough and its ahead..
There is also a part of instictive feel that tells me I only have maybe another 3-4 yrs left. For long time I have felt I won't see 45.
Well there's your problem. I'm not speaking from experience but it seems a lot of people find meaning in the sense of others counting on you, if not depending on you. Having a spouse/life partner/whatever brings meaning and having children is the most obvious and common form but there are lots of other ways.
"will only get me a bunch of things I don't care for" - you genuinely wouldn't want a (extra) house by the sea or make a trip to space or launch some physical product just for the fun of it?
I wouldn't even know what to do with the first house, let alone a second one.
I mean sure, I could always do with more stuff, but it doesn't bring me deep joy. I only enjoy it for the novelty ... and then I might as well just borrow it for the first two or three times until I get bored, then move on to the next borrowed thing.
Ownership is meh. Too much hassle. Not enough novelty/excitement.
Really the only reason to own things is so the taxman takes less and you "keep" more. Even if you keep it in a form you don't particularly need.
My previous response was about finding meaning from interpersonal dependence, I totally get not wanting to develop a dependence on "things." However renting a home means you're paying someone else's "taxman" for them and paying for the privilege for doing so. If you've done really well financially, you get to the point where you pay off the bank and it's only the taxman you owe to keep a roof over your head.
You're already saving, that's good, for the time many years in the future when you can no longer work. Also think about saving for a time when you'll feel differently about owning things and/or having kids.
"At this age, I’m becoming aware of just how long and short 40 years is. Literally everything that has ever happened to me can fit into 40 years. If I do another 40, twice as much can happen in total."
One of the interesting things about aging is the realization how short life is. When I started considering the frame of mind that I had less life to live, than I had already lived, it made it easier to focus on the important stuff. I too was fortunate to find someone at a young age who was compatible with my quirks. And while many folks I have met eschew the notion of marriage and even family, I find that without my wife and kids I have a hard time contextualizing what, if anything, I've contributed in exchange for the raw materials I've consumed. That was not something I expected to feel when I started out.
About the significance of family as I grow older -- When I was younger, I would hear the expression "The only thing that matters is love," and I would literally not understand what it could be referring to. It was devoid of possible content for me. I assumed it was just something people said, like "have a nice day".
What mattered back then was to always be smarter, to always know that already (for any value of "that"), etc. I'm still that way sometimes, of course. The alpha nerd does not just disappear.
Well, it took 20 more years, but I get it. When it's all over, it may be that all that mattered was love.
So, a human is born, lives and dies and that's it? Earth, planets, solar systems, galaxies, the universe, all just some big accident. Wow. Of all of the above, no signs of life from any planet out of billions and billions but ours and it was just an accident. Wow.
"Of all of the above, no signs of life from any planet out of billions and billions but ours and it was just an accident. Wow."
If it's simply a rare phenomenon, this is what we'd expect to see. If intelligent life arises on one planet in billions and billions, it is not surprising at all that it will be on the one planet with intelligent life looking around and asking the question.
I'll be 49 later this year. My advice: Keep training, it is the best and most important thing. I stopped for a while (long story) and ended up with Old Man back problems (10 minutes to fall out of bed, 5 minutes to crawl to the toilet, peeing in the toilet a gymnastic accomplishment, not to mention getting back down...).
Second most important thing: Don't have a bullet list, just do shit. Do act in a play. Do learn an instrument. Do be in a movie. Heck, be in several movies (play many different characters, from hero to clown to psycho). Do abandon a successful 12 year solo career when offered a partnership in a small but growing firm (now I have 4 spouses, yay! And growing pains. Yay!).
Always say "yes, that would be cool", never be afraid 1.
1 Still working on that, haven't been bungee jumping yet. But my firm will have 10 or so employees in a few months, with almost as many subs, and I'm in 5 DVD/Netflix releases planned for 2014.
The 40s rock. The 50s are going to be awesome.